Where's My Oxygen??

     Well, today was a real eye opener for me.  I unknowingly entered withdrawals from a prescription medication I am and currently have been taking for over a year now.  Now, I knowingly stopped taking the pill but I did not intend to go through what I went through last night and today.

    Last night, i got maybe an hour of restful sleep.  During the other 6 hours I was trapped in a web of dreams I'm going to call levels.  If i recall correctly it was probably 3 levels maybe 4.  The 1st layer of this onion wasn't anything, just normal dude porn dreams...yeah i said it. To clarify, dude porn dreams, me and another dude :)

     All of the sudden a huge level of dizziness set in and my neck couldn't control my head.  It slowly, no matter how much i fought, drooped forward or backwards and i entered the next level.  This level would be the awakening in any other dream for me.  This is what made it terrifying.  My body and brain were at war in real life so my dreams had become off chutes of one another.

     The 2nd level wasn't that scary except for the fact that i KNEW i was supposed to be awake.  Nothing would alleviate the fear that was being forced through my body. By the way, I was blind :(  It was difficult.

     I finally went onto the 3rd level, which i KNEW was the wake up part.  So my mind was at ease as i slowly fell into another aspect of dream instead of the expected wake up phase. 

     This is very difficult to describe.  This is going to be my WORST blog of them all, i apologize in advance. 

     Once i realized I wasn't waking up and probably wasn't ever going to, I began to cry out for my mother.  A 29 year old man roaming around blinding trying to find his mommy's room so she could make it all better.  Is that too much to ask? 

     Every once in a while the dream would release me back to reality but my actually living human brain couldn't grasp the concept.  I opened my eyes and instantly jumped out of the bed, not knowing this was real life and my wife was right next to me.  I didn't know where I was, I didn't know my kids were right across the hallway sleeping soundly.  To me, this was the next level of the dream. 

     I don't care about monsters, ghosts, guns or whatever in a dream but the inability to awaken from a dream state was absolutely horrible. 

     The rest of my day was full of upset stomachs, dizzy falls, A LOT of crying, a lot of confusion.  This was the hardest day of my entire life today.  Thanks to Tissh, Philip, Keesh and My Mom for pulling me through and helping regain control of reality. 

     I am still very fearful of falling asleep.  I want to nap now but I KNOW i can't handle that dream again.  My brain is mush and my body is shut down.  I CAN'T do it tonight. 

     I know i stir the pot and I talk a lot of shit and I'm honestly not a very good person or friend to anyone but NO ONE deserves to go through that.  I love all of you, thank you for reading and letting me share my goofiness and my heart with you all.

     Sleep well, Stay strong and most of all NEVER CONFORM!

-JB