EMERGENCY!

     One night I fell asleep with the biggest erection ever.  The next morning I woke up with the biggest erection ever.  So in my mind, this erection had lasted the 7 hours I was asleep.  We all know the Erectile Dysfunction commercial clearly state, “If your erection lasts for more than such and such hours seek medical attention.”  Such in such hours is 3-4 if I’m not mistaken.
 

Well, since my dinger was creating a circus tent with the king size sheet all night, I panicked!  I immediately dressed myself, carefully tucking the erect penis in line with the waist of my pants so it wasn’t as noticeable.  I got in my car while dialing 911.

The operator was nice but when I explained my problem, I think I began to hear chuckling in the back ground.  With the deepest despair in my voice I informed them I was driving at a high rate of speed and heading towards the Sentara Careplex.  No more chuckling now.

The operator tried to explain to me that my massive dinger hadn’t stayed stiff as a board all night.  It didn’t work like that she explained.  I told her I beg to differ and I increased my speed.  I asked for a police escort and as soon as those words came out of my mouth, I noticed 3 police cars behind me and not attempting to pass me or clear traffic.  

I told the operator that they are doing it wrong; they are supposed to lead me through the red lights and towards the hospital.  My heart is racing so face at this point I had to unbuckle my seatbelt, my belt belt and my pants button and zipper.  This thing was at it’s mightiest point.  Like the incredible hulk right before he is about to SMASH! 

I’m driving like a B rated stuntman when all of the sudden I end up pulling a 180 in the middle of the street.  The cops had performed a Pursuit Intervention Technique (P.I.T) on me and were out of their cars with guns drawn instantly.  Of course my hands flew in the air, no time to zip up or anything.  As the officers approached I began to smile at them to try to relax them.  

Apparently, a smiling dude with a huge erection and semen slime everywhere is not comforting to the police.  I was ordered out of the vehicle with my hands up.  Of course my pants dropped and I’m standing on the side of the road with my ding ding hanging horizontal and every living being in Hampton staring at it as they drove by.

We stood there in silence for roughly 90 seconds.  I don’t know why we were all silent but I’ll tell you what, my erection went away and I was a happy relaxed camper.  Now that I am out of Jail off of a 120 day stint for reckless driving, evading the police, public indecency and lude conduct I feel better. 

I’ll never go to sleep with an erection again…ever.

Sleep well, Stay strong and most of all NEVER CONFORM!

-JB