When you go into the 7-11, there are certain
items throughout the store that are complementary products. Creamers,
straws, napkins, stuff along those lines. I think we could literally
put the napkin companies out of business if all of
us went to 7-11 everyday and took 2 hand fulls of napkins. I call this
theory “Napkins for Life”.
Using the “Napkins for Life” process, the United
States could cut down 18 million less trees per year and shut down over
14,000 napkin producing factories. These reallocated workers could
then move up to the paper towel companies or even
the plasticware facilities that are spread throughout out the United
States.
Try it out because it works. The second someone
questions you, just say, “Where’s the sign that says I can’t take 2
hand fulls of napkins?” You know why you ask this question right?
Because there is no sign! Easy win in the argument
column!
“Napkins for Life” was initially founded in
Wisconsin by an elderly man named Simon O’Finkle. Mr. O was a visionary
until his love affair with system manipulation got the best of him.
Simon tried to start heisting ATM machines from Kwik
Stops because they didn’t have a sign on them deterring the act. He
was shot with a tazer in the nuts by an over-eager security guard. No
one could have known he had his original testicles replaced with gold
plated pewter nuts. The electric shot triggered
a small fire in his pants and as he panicked he began to pass gas
excessively. The fire raged and consumed his body from the inside out.
I am now leading the parade for “Napkins for
Life”. I will not be tazed in the nuts and have a small fire grow due
to my inability to control my flatulence. I WILL lead this country to
economic freedom!
I am running as an independent for the Office of
President. I am going to be a write in and really the only thing I
have going right now is “Napkins for Life” but it’s better than nothing!
Sleep well, stay strong and most of all NEVER CONFORM!
-JB
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