GOOGLE!

     What up my peeps?  One of my buddies posted a link to the Google Self Driven car and how it has posted 300,000 miles without causing an accident.  This got my mind thinking, like everything else does.  What else can Google create?

     First off, I want a self cooking pan.  Bare with me now.  I want a pan that I can put on my stove top, link the stove and the pan together with some sort of blue tooth device and set the pan to “eggs, slightly runny”.  I will crack 3-5 eggs in the pan and walk away.  Once the core of the yolk has slightly cooked the pan and the stove will communicate with one another and shut down instantly.  The same will go for anything you put in the pan, just have to have a conversion chart that states what is in the pan is how to set it. 

     Second, Google has got to be able to make a device that can sense when I’m getting sick and if I’m going to be able to make it to work the next day.  So while I’m sleeping soundly, this device will be linked to my alarm clocks, my phone and me.  It will sense what is going on in my body as far as temperature, congestion and bacteria goes and make the determination for me if it is safe to go to work or not.  Then it will text my boss at 6am and wait 5 minutes for a response.  If the response fails to come back, then it will dial and give a generic message to the boss stating I am sick and a health risk to the entire floor, and then hang up.  Pretty simple. 

     Lastly, Google should have the technology to make a self jerking apparatus for men.  Just a nice one size fits all machine that sits on my lap and when it senses any signs of depression or even a sad face, it will slowly begin to tug away at my man member.  The parts that touch the skin will be made from a synthetic rabbit fur soaked in Vaseline and treated with an internal stark chemical to prevent permanent staining.  Oh boy, that would make my life so much easier!  Who wants to have to stop what you’re doing just to get up and rub one out?  It’s such an inconvenience and tedious.  

     Come on Google, step your game up.

     Sleep well, Stay strong and most of all NEVER CONFORM!

-JB