Top 10 Quotes!

         Let’s talk about some great quotes.  Some of which are totally idiotic and some are inspiring. 

         I have picked my 10 favorite from my cubical wall.  I look at these sayings everyday and have been for at least 6 months. 

    

         They are listed in no particular order.

Number 1:

               

                “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died”

                

                Have any of you ever experienced or observed a dead plant in a doctor’s office and still proceeded to continue into the appointment?  I am going to be VERY conscious and cautious of this from now on.  You can’t keep a plant alive but you expect me to have faith in you to take care of my health needs?  I don’t think so silly goose.  Also, that’s how you get Herpes.

Number 2:

               

               “Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it”

                

                This quote is a solid and realistic outlook on life.  Obviously this quote was said before video games were invented because perfection is the only true blissful experience when playing XBOX.  So I have now lowered my standards and expectations in life.  I no longer push as hard as I used to because the energy used to strive for perfection is probably better used jacking my willy winky.  Also, that’s how you get Herpes.

Number 3:

                

               “Hard work never killed anyone, but why take a chance”

               

               Don’t risk your life for no reason.  This is the motto of a man that is still alive, while many have fallen to the harsh times of working hard for no reason.  Don’t let it happen to you.  One day I slowly slipped into cardiac arrest, I stopped working as my heart beat slowed.  As I stopped, my heart rate began to regain its rhythm and I survived but I will never get to that point in my life.  Also, that’s how you get Herpes.

Number 4:

                

                “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently”

                

                This one is a Henry Ford quote.  The mastermind behind one of the most important and stable car companies in history.  This is a good one for somebody that likes to really strive for problem solving and hard work.  When you fail, you reevaluate what you did and you tweak the idea a hair and try again.  Simple enough.  Also, that’s how you get Herpes.

Number 5:

 

                “The only reason people get lost in thought is because it is unfamiliar territory”

                Now I know what my problem is, it’s not ADHD as everyone suspected.  I can’t problem solve or do the task over and over again because my little pea brain is exploring other areas that it has never stumbled into before and causing a sort of rain man effect, but without the genius behind it.  Also, that’s how you get Herpes.

Number 6:

                “Never take life seriously.  Nobody gets out alive”

                Less than 1% of all Americans accomplish the goal of becoming super rich and never having to work again because of an idea they came up with or something they invented.  Don’t be so serious or as the Joker would ask, “Why so Serious?”  Live life for what it is, don’t be so serious ready to fight someone for looking at you wrong or for grabbing all up in your crotch.  Just let it happen.  Also, that’s how you get Herpes.

Number 7:

                “If you’re planning on having an emergency, please let us know”

                Ok, this is a delicate subject.  My boss said this, in front of a large group of people and I instantly flinched and leaned to my neighbor and asked “Can you plan an emergency?”  What I learned from this is, don’t let an emergency control your life, you control the emergency, simply by planning it out.  So first you’re going to need a time machine, then you’ll simply need to travel to the next month and note every emergency you have coming up and then come back and put it on your outlook calendar.  Time travel comes with 1 main side effect though… that’s how you get Herpes.

Number 8:

                “Lunch time is not a time, it’s a feeling”

                Damn skippy!  Next time your boss or even a peer walks by and asks you why the hell you’re eating your lunch at 8:30am…recite this quote.  It works 99% of the time but in the rare case you are on the 1% scale, just beg for mercy and you may not get fired.  Also, that’s how you get Herpes.

Number 9:

                “We don’t have a key to get into the keys”

                Very special quote.  The one that really caused me to start printing quotes and putting them on my wall.  All the keys to the offices and what not are locked in a lock box on the wall.  Obviously, the lock box has a lock which accepts a key.  The key was lost, the quote was said and it will forever be in my heart and in or around my mouth.  Also, that’s how you get Herpes.

Number 10:

                “Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have the film”

                This is essential to all non-photographic memory people.  Get some film, get a new SD card, get something so you can take pictures with your brain and you can remember everything.  This may qualify you as an X-Man but do it anyways.  Load that camera you call a brain up with something important to you, like internet pornography or crude jokes to tell at parties, if you ever get invited to one.  This not one of the ways you can get Herpes, so rest easy my friends.

There you go.  Use them, abuse them and accept the Herpes that comes with them.

Sleep well, stay strong and most of all NEVER CONFORM!

-JB