Thursday, July 26, 2012

Serious Talk Time

     There is an unacceptable epidemic going around our United States as we speak.  This is a problem that affects young children, teenagers and even the elderly.  Frankly, it’s something so repulsive; I’m a touch uncomfortable blogging about it.  We’re going to discuss the topic of Rape.  This is not a topic about the rape of humans; actually it doesn’t involve humans at all.  It’s Cat Rape!  Yes, you read that correctly, cats taking their need for love and sex too far and raping other cats. 

     There have been numerous reports to the SPCA about a certain Cat Gang, going by the name of The Non-Neutered Crew, which has been spotted all around the U.S.A. performing lewd and unspeakable acts to innocent domesticated Felines.  This “Gang” has charters in every major city of every single state except for Alaska and New Mexico.  Many cities are even reporting homo-sexual cat rapes and multiple failed rapes have been recorded by the C.A.T. (Cats Against Trauma) SPCA, which happens to be a special task force of undercover cats that have infiltrated the inner most circles of the NNC.  

     Contrary to prior belief, cats do have feelings and are ready and willing to be trained to kill and conform to their surroundings to save helpless cats across the country.  The SPCA and the C.A.T. SPCA are pushing hard throughout our great land to exile the NNC and make it safe for a nice little kitty to roam the streets with no fear of a massive gang of wild cats raping the mess out of them.

     Many actions have been imposed with harsh criticism from the public.  These actions were a knee-jerk reaction to an ever growing problem and we sincerely apologize for that.  We have new ideas that are going to be coming to fruition very soon. 

     I have many proposals that will come to light in this arena.  Feline Sex Offender List (FSOL), Alley or Yard arrest (Collar Monitored AKA CM’d) and death by rape (Three Strikes Program).   FSOL, CM’d and TSP are all programs that humans use for humans so it must be the perfect solution for cat on cat criminal activity.

     In 2011, over 4.3 million female felines were unforgivingly raped or sexually assault in some manner.  Over 3.1 million of these incidents have been tied back to the NNC.  Also, disturbingly enough 500,000 male on male cat rapes have occurred but oddly only in the city of Los Angeles.  

     If you see anything, report it to the SPCA at 1-800-CAT-RAPE immediately.  If possible, intervene yourself, but don’t try to be a hero.  Cat semen is known to be capable of velocities far faster than any human ejaculate and if the semen were to touch skin, a severe does of cat scratch fever and a fishy taste/smell will overcome the human body. 

     We WILL get this under control.  We WILL end this non-sense.  We WILL put an end to the NNC and all other felines out there having their way with defenseless cats across the nation.

     Thank you for your time.  

     Sleep well, stay strong and most of all NEVER CONFORM!

-JB

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