Two events recently
took place in my house. Both of which are borderline sketchy but both
ended well, no CPS (Child Protective Services) needed.
The first event took
place early in the day yesterday (11-3-13). It had been a long day of
play fighting and surprise attacks versus my two young kiddies.
Finally, I decided to put an end to the senseless plastic
Wolverine claw attacks once and for all. I grabbed my son up and the
nearest roll of tape. I then proceeded to do one wrap around his arms
and upper torso. Once he was secured I carried him up stairs and tossed
him on the bed for all to see. Once the flying
kick reached my testicles, I knew what had to be done. After another
wrap of tape was secured around his ankles, I sat him up on the bed and
TOLD him to not move or he would fall to the ground instantly and get
hurt…ok, he fell to the ground and barely bounced
his head off the wall. No bruising or swelling, no troubles at all.
No harm no foul right?
The second event was more of a
service to my young child. Earlier in the day his sister knocked his
tooth, which was loose in the first place. We noticed that the tooth
next to it was loose too so I convinced him to let
me string and door knob it. For those of you that are unfamiliar with
this technique, you take a piece of dental floss, tie it low around the
tooth in question and then tie it to a door knob. Tell them to count to
three and slam the door on the 1 count!
Works like a charm. Well that’s what I did last night. The funny part
was his sister’s face on my first failed attempt. She looked like we
had lost our minds. The things nightmares are made of. She looked like
she had just witnessed a quadruple murder
by someone using a rusty spoon. Sheer terror.
Being a dad is fun and worth it. I highly recommend it.
Sleep well, Stay strong and most of all NEVER CONFORM!
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