Create-A-Story by three grown men

Create-A-Story written by three grown men:

Today someone stopped me while I was about to walk into a dark place in my mind, but I turned and said, “What the hell is that on your face? It looks like drool, only thicker and creamier.” To which she replied, “Oh, that…well I can show you better than I can tell you.  By the way, do you happen to have two cups nearby? This sort of activity requires two cups.  You take one cup and I’ll take the other then we will poke holes in the bottom of them and lubricate the ends, before we start. Now the fun begins. All you do is take your pinkie finger and gently slide it into the Styrofoam, back and forth a few times.  Next evenly spread the lubricant that transferred from the cup to your finger onto the roof of your mouth.” With a blank stare I asked her “Are you German?” When she replied, “Yes I am. What gave it away?” I quickly grabbed my domesticated monkey that I imported from Brazil and took off running as fast as I could.  Mr. Monkey, as I called him, had been clutching my inner thigh the entire time.  Suddenly not realizing that I had been shaking him vigorously due to the high speed run, he started to get agitated and then he jumped down tripping me.

Violently I awoke from the awkward dream. While brushing my teeth and scratching my recently acquired lower back tattoo of a squirrel with a magical nut, I shockingly noticed something on my face that looked like drool, only it was thicker and creamier.  That’s when I realized the Styrofoam cup with a hole sitting on my counter and a naked German girl in my bath tub. I quickly deduced that since I am allergic to anything German I should awkwardly creep out of my own apartment.  As I exited the front door I realized although she was German, there was no way I could’ve had any schnitzel the night before or my mouth would've been extremely swollen.  Just to be safe I went back inside hoping to find some sort of identification on this unknown German woman. As I was going through her purse I saw something rather strange. There seems to be a collection of used tampons and a jar of what appears to be freshly squeezed breast milk.  To be sure I opened the jar and took a whiff.  Judging by the smell, and the fact that the German girl was still knocked out in my bathtub, I quickly realized that this was not freshly squeezed.  In fact, I was certain it was the thick creamy substance I found on my face this morning. Unsure of what the substance was I began to taste it. That’s when the massive Brazilian soccer player broke the front door down screaming “Where is the monkey and why are you holding my jar of used hemorrhoid crème?!  If you spanked my monkey in any way I am going to…he pauses as he walks by the bathroom and notices the naked German girl and says calmly, why is there a naked German girl in your bathtub?  I stand motionless; he looks closer and realizes that she is indeed dead. He steps back and pulls out a knife and this time calmly asks me where the monkey is. That’s when he looked down to see the used Tampons. Because I was focused on the jar of hemorrhoid cream I failed to realize the long brown hairs on the tampons. He however, did not. All I could do was quickly gulp down the jar of used hemorrhoid crème to regain his attention.  Then I noticed what he was looking at and I swiftly plucked each long brown hair from the used tampons and jam them into my mouth.  He was baffled yet very intrigued at the same time.  That’s when he asked me if I was interested in a little activity involving 2 cups.